Been a while since my last post. I’ve been feeling a little sad because this was a month that my family lost a beautiful little soul. If you lost anyone in your life then you understand how difficult it is to not remember those love ones. Now I never really met her but was reminded how much we looked alike. I’m sure she was a person all her own with characteristics that I’m sure made us different. But my heart broke when her grandparents looked at me with such love that I’m sure she might of gotten several times before she was called home.
I sometimes wonder how she would of felt in my arms, her baby lotion skin, combing her dark silky hairs, and maybe her sweet giggles on a cool afternoon. I’m the type that doesn’t grieve until a few months or year after. Now I didn’t get that professionally diagnosed or anything. Although it probably was a habit I accumulated from all the many goodbye I had to adapt to as a child. Moving and such.
I always told myself that if I stayed busy I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotions and it won’t hurt as much. But it only became evident that it only knock me down like a truck hitting a wall.
I remember cleaning the bedroom and as the sheets were thrown in the air and as I watched it slowly float down covering the mattress. Tears suddenly stream down my face and then the memory of my best friend’s laughter made me weak to my knees. I thought I was going to die but it was My heart breaking. I still missed her after so many months and I could still hear her laughing. I know she is in a better place now. So maybe I haven’t gotten the hang of how to deal with this whole thing called loosing, but Hope that talking about my feeling can sooth the pain a little.
To anyone who maybe going thru difficultly of moving to a new school, home, dealing with sickness, breakup or lost a love one, my heart goes out to you. My prayer is that God would give you strength to carry on. Surround yourself with love ones and tell someone. Just remember “You are not alone!”